A place for my head.
by Seamoose
Summary: Logan shares his story of how he became a severed head who now rests on his mantle piece. Phase Four of Max's plan and Logan isn't as bouncy as he thought.
1. Chapter 1

I must apologise for being Australian and the fact that I have only see the first series but this just came to me so here you go.  
  
You know that life isn't that bad as a severed hear once you get used to it. I mean I've got company now that Max cut of the heads of the entire cast and put them up hear on the mantle piece with me. I mean sure it gets a little boring and Max likes to dangle Chinese food in front of me and not let me eat but I'm sure that she means well.  
  
I suppose it would be better if I tell you how I got here in the first place. Did you know that Max was really sensitive about her looks. I said she looked a little tired on the morning before we decided to go out on a date and she got really pissy. That was okay but on the date I spilt wine on her and she wouldn't speak to me after that for three days.  
  
When I asked her what was the matter she merely replied that my face was annoying her and that if I didn't shut up she would do something. Obviously I didn't shut up. So there I was, sitting on my mantle piece (she took my apartment by the way) and I comes Zack. Good, I think, he might help me but just my luck she decided to hack his head off too and stick him next to me.  
  
She began to tell us that collecting heads would become her new hobby and that we should be expecting company any day now.  
  
  
  
Just a taste. If you like and review it I will like a really long one with my limited knowledge of the second series. 


	2. chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
  
  
It's been a week and now my mantle piece is full of heads. None of them are very interesting. Original Cindy and the gang have now joined me and now she's picking off random people.  
  
She was telling me about her plans for Lydecker and the crew a Manticore and if I had a body I would have retched. She's really lost it.  
  
Somebody raised an interesting question today. How is it that we are just heads but we can still live??? I pondered this and after not finding an answer have decided to blame everything on Max. Good or bad it is Max's fault.  
  
She disappeared for three days and came back saying that she had an evil plan. I pretended to close me eyes and not hear her and when I opened them she was gone.  
  
I expect it will only be a couple of days till she comes back and tells me.  
  
I may or may not continue this. I haven't decided. 


	3. Phase One

Disclaimer: I own nobody but that hasn't ever stopped anybody on fanfiction before so let's start.  
  
A/N: Here we go again. My head hurts.  
  
  
  
Max finally decided to tell me her evil plan today. She took me into another room, away from the other heads, and placed me on a chair. She said she was going to wear a large trench coat and put the heads, including me, on the neck hole and walk around the city and pretend to be us. She said this was "Phase One" of her evil plan. When I asked her what this would accomplishes she said I was being difficult and obnoxious and put me back on the mantle piece. She proceeded to run around the penthouse doing cartwheels every so often. It might be just me but I think she has lost it??? Now I await phase two. Damn.  
  
  
  
I have no idea where I am going with this so I guess I am headed (pun, sorry) in the same direction as when I started. Wait and see if I post another chapter????? 


	4. Phase Two

Disclaimer: Same as before.  
  
A/N: I must say that I have confused myself with this chapter. How can a severed head be hungry? Better yet, why am I even thinking about it? I suppose it doesn't matter so here's the next chapter.  
  
  
  
Max forced me to apologies to her for being disagreeable with her and her whole evil plan thing. She held a hot dog in front of my face and taunted me with it until I said I was sorry. She then held me up and fed it to me. It was rather disappointing and unsatisfying that it kind of just dropped to the floor after I swallowed it.  
  
After that she took me out of the room. For some reason she thinks the others heads are all out to get her. Especially Original Cindy??? She told me that in conjunction with Phase One she plans to purchase car parts in disguise and sell them to homeless children. When I asked her what this would do she told me that the genius of her plan was that no one would know it was her. At first I was speechless, then I was anything but. I told her everything that was wrong with that which took me about an hour. When I had finished she simply said "bad head" and began to scold me about being insensitive. I am now on time out in the waste paper basket and she has now taken up talking to Zack instead of me. Strangely enough I am jealous. Is there something wrong with me??????  
  
Hmmmmmmm. 


	5. Phase Three

A/N: I have been very worried about the heads until I realized I should probably worry about me own head.  
  
  
  
I spent a week in the waste paper basket before Max took me out. She got bored with Zack and basically went through the whole mantle piece until she lifted me out and told me she missed me. She also told me all about Phase three of her plan. Once the homeless children have the spare car parts she sold them they could now make cars. With these cars they could now drive. Now that they could drive they could now fly. When I asked how they could fly now see simply said that it was because of the monkeys, of course. When I asked how they monkeys could fly she said that they couldn't and that they could only make the car fly. My head started to hurt when she told me this, which is pretty ironic considering my condition, so she put me back on the mantle piece. See told me to sleep tight and be ready for Phase Four.  
  
Now my head hurts. 


	6. Phase Four

Disclaimer: I don't have any claim over the Dark Angel characters, just their heads.  
  
A/N: When I look over some of the stuff I have wrote in my time I can say that this isn't actually my strangest work. Thanks for the reviews people, and watch your heads.  
  
Phase Four. Where do I start with this one? First of all it began with Max deciding to line the heads up in various positions in the room. When I asked her what she was doing she told me that we were all going to play a game of basketball. She took some waste paper baskets and nailed them to the walls. Both right next to each other. She then stood around looking lost for a time. When I asked her the relevance of this compared to her other phases said yelled at me for being disagreeable, picked me up and yelled to the other heads that she had found a ball. I could hear Zack sniggering on the fall. She bounced my around the room and one of the many problems with this is that I don't bounce very well. She threw me into the basket and it was then I realized she hadn't cut the bottoms out. I heard her calling for me and muttering to herself about me being selfish and running away. I called out to her but she hit the walls with her fist complaining about noisy rats. Guess I'm gonna be here for a while.  
  
  
  
Hhmmmmmmm. 


	7. 300!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Disclaimer: I officially own the heads of the cast of Dark Angel now. I checked it out and nobody has copyright over their heads so I've decided to apply for it. Hope I get it.  
  
A/N: ????????????????????  
  
  
  
I was right. It took three days for the basket to fall off the door and two more for Max to pick me off the floor. What are we u to now? Phase 5 I think? She scrapped all the other plans and now it seems that since the basketball thing went so well she's decided to take me bowling. This time she gagged me for being insolent when I asked her what, if anything, this had to do with the other Phase's. She told me that I'm just not in the right frame of mind to comprehend it. That was obvious. Besides, I think a head like me can only be in one frame of mind. The bowling ally hurt more than basketball but you get used to the pain and we even scored a three hundred game. I always wanted to do that. I guess. Then she put me in the bowling ball bag and everything went dark.  
  
  
  
??????????????????????????????????? 


	8. Road Trip

Disclaimer: I didn't get copyright to the heads and I think my parents are going to remove mine over the phone bill.  
  
A/N: My head still hurts.  
  
  
  
When I was taken out of the bag we were inside a car. Max put me in the drivers seats and told me to go but took over when I told her I couldn't drive automatic. She took my seat, setting me on the dash board, and told me we were going on a road trip.  
  
We got pulled over pretty quick and soon the cops heads were trying to be back seat drivers. They seemed to take it pretty well. I wonder were we'll end up????  
  
  
  
Were will the open road take Max and Logan??????? 


	9. Europe

Disclaimer: I own the two cops heads. They are named Joe and Brian.  
  
A/N: Joe and Brian are police officers. They used to have clubs.  
  
  
  
Well it's been a week now and the two cops, Joe and Brian, have fallen in love with Max. Don't ask me how but we seem to have made it to Europe. First Paris, then London and now we're in Spain. Max decided to enter Brian in a bull fight we passed and I think it's better not to recount that chain of events to you but we ended up in jail with Joe having his teeth locked into Max's ankle and refusing to let go, me wearing bunny ears and Brian in bits and pieces all over the floor. They left a rope for her to hang herself but she decided to tie my bunny ears to it and at least Max and I are head height now (sorry, bad pun). Soon I became so tired that I had to sleep.  
  
  
  
If things weren't weird before I'm thinking they are now. 


	10. I think I've lost the plot????

Disclaimer: I've been talking to my lawyers and they say that the only head I will ever own is my own but they also said something about it not being much good anyway.  
  
A/N: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHAA AAAAHHHHHHA. I'm sorry.  
  
  
  
I woke up with Joe crying about Brian but I told him not to worry. With Max's track record he probably wouldn't be around much longer either. I told Max that she should probably flirt with the guards to let us out. Well, to cut a short story shorter we now have two more heads in our little party. But on the up side she managed to get the keys, find the car and now we're on our way again. Damn.  
  
Where will they end up next. Nobody nose. 


	11. China

Disclaimer: I've lost my head.  
  
A/N: Ding Dong the witch is dead. I think I've lost my marbles.  
  
  
  
We ended up in china. The great wall to be exact. Great car though. Pity we had to leave it when we got in the country. Max kept insisting that we could get it through he airport metal detectors with no problem. When I asked why we had to go to the airport in the first place she kept on crying out that I don't love her but she stopped when the Spanish heads started arguing and seemed to forge all about it. Back to the airport. You can imagine what its like trying to get a car through an airport metal detector. Very messy. Four new head have now joined our party. Long story short Max went a little crazy with knife (I don't know where she keeps getting these weapons) and I'm sure you can work out the rest.  
  
  
  
I was tired when I wrote this and it doesn't make any sense whatsoever but I can't be bothered to change it. 


	12. The end.

This is just a little message to say that I have decided to stop this story. I live in Australia and it is only now that I am finally getting the second series. I may write a different Dark Angel story after I see this series so thank you for reading.  
  
  
  
Seamoose. 


End file.
